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I once knew someone who mispronounced "impedance". He was talking about the difference between "high impotence" and "low impotence" microphones.

I suppose, during his heyday with Led Zeppelin, Robert Plant must've sung into low impotence mics.

submitted by Jim S. on 7/6/98 2:55 pm 000001

My best buddy, who is a PA-technician, had just got all his gear up and running in this big hall in a little swedish town, and he put a CD on just to check,

and it sounded great.

So, he turns to the local attendant and says:

- Wow, this hall has great acoustics for its size!

The attendant gets this funny look on his face,

and after a few seconds he goes:

- Right pal!, I've got the airconditioning runnin all day.

submitted by Matt on 7/7/98 12:55 pm 000002

I was browsing through a back issue of Vintage Guitar from 1994 that I picked up the other day, and ran across this letter to Seymour Duncan that was so precious I had to share it with you folks. This one ranks right up there with the urban legend of the help-desk call about the computer "beverage holder". If the writer of the letter is an AMPAGE reader, my apologies, and my admission of even worse gaffs is hereby admitted....(I just won't tell you about them).

The letter, as printed, is this:

" A repairman told me to use two 50k pots into my guitar, and now that I did that, the tone is mushy with no clarity in the high end. What did I do wrong?"

Once he stopped chuckling (which I'm sure he didn't want to admit in print), Seymour politely responded that what the repairman *probably* meant was 250k pots, and he then proceeds to explain about loading down pickups, etc.

I suppose the moral here is: Make sure that you say things in a way that *everyone* will grasp, even the newbies (and maybe *especially* the newbies).

submitted by Mark Hammer on 7/8/98 7:29 am 000003

At the HVAC company I work for we hired a new service dispatcher last year who wasn't familiar with the trade at all (having previously been a dispatcher for milk trucks). As service manager I review all of the service work orders and I was perplexed at the problem listed on several work orders:

"4 Stair Furnace non-op"

The furnaces we work on might be upstairs or downstairs, so I just thought it was a typo until I finally figured it out: the customers were telling her:

"forced-air furnaces"...

submitted by Steve Ahola on 7/8/98 7:33 am 000004

I work in a repair shop at a music store, and some of the great lines I've heard are:

"Can you check the detonation on my guitar?"

"I have an amp with four intakes..."

"Do you service older sympathizers?"

"My amp isn't invoking any sound."

"The tremble knob is broken."

We actually had a DJ come in and ask if we sold "Richter Scales" so he could measure how much bass his system was putting out!

I didn't think work could be so much fun!

submitted by Bill on 7/8/98 7:37 am 000005

"It really sounded great just before it blew out. Can you make it sound that way all the time?"
submitted by R.G. on 7/8/98 7:39 am 000006

A friend of mine knows the owner of a music shop, who told him this story. One day, he got a call from a lady who wondered if they were buying used gear since she had an old electric guitar after her husband died. Well, it depends on what kind of guitar it is, he said. "Hold on, I'll go and see what it is." After a while she got back and said, "It has a sticker which says 7-ender...

[ That one should be told in swedish I guess, and would get even weirder cos "ender" is swedish for ducks, so what the swedish owner would hear is...a sticker which says "seven ducks"... Matt ]

[ Perhaps some people don't know that the fig '7' is usually drawn in Europe with a little line across it (like an 'f') so you can't mistake it for a fig '1'... Paul Perry ]

submitted by Anders Westerberg on 7/8/98 7:45 am 000007

"..the vibrato continuously comes on by itself intermittantly and just keeps doing it over again"
submitted by Charles on 7/8/98 7:47 am 000008

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